Hurt by The Hurtful

It's sad when you fight so hard to keep a friendship

Only for them to stomp on it and  hurt you like they always have.

Why do we not learn from this?

Why do we let the same people hurt us over and over again?

After years and years of the same abuse.

Why does someone less than you manage to make you feel like the smallest person on earth?
How do we turn off the hurt that someone put you through a long time ago?
When does it ever really end?

I know the whole "People only bully because they have low self-esteem"

Which I believe is true, but doesn't make me feel any less stupid.

Not only by the awful things one says

But the pure principal that I so badly just wanted to have a good relationship with this person.

This person who manages to do this to me every time without fail.

This sounds harsh but

In reality, this friendship doesn't mean anything to me.

Only a means for convenience, I suppose.
I'm not mourning any good times or love lost, at all.

Frankly, I can't think of any of those memories even existing.
I'm forced to deal with this person for eternity
Why not make the best of it?

When you do an audit on the positively influential people in your life,

The people who bring you more joy than pain,

This just isn't one.

Why am I so upset then?

I'm more mourning the fact that someone doesn't like me.

Which is selfish I know. But that's just the truth.

Much of what keeps me up at night is the injustice of everything.

That facts aren't heard or even appreciated, for that matter.

I think what separates children from adults is
knowing when to stop iterating the truth when someone obviously isn't listening.
This, I am having trouble with.

I feel like the louder or more clever way I say it will make a difference.

Then get painfully insulted when they don't change their mind.

But that takes maturity.

I take full credit for the things that were said about me.

I am self destructive. I am a bad mother.

I am a cynic. I am a bad friend.
That is why I have a short list of close people.
That's why I have so many issues with my family.

And that is probably why Chris left and replaced me so quickly.

With someone less attractive and less intelligent than me.

Those are all things that I accept willingly.

It's hard to swallow, but hey that just means its true.

What I have no respect for is people running away from their truths.

When someone can't or won't stand up to those accusing them.

I wish to never have to be around someone like that,

Who only dishes and never takes

And shifts blame only so they don't have to feel guilt.

I've kept true to my resolution.

I've only said things that I absolutely mean.

There's not a word that I have said that I need to apologize for or take back.
In any situation.