Monday, October 27, 2014

Busiest Part of the Year

I guess that's usually how it is. The first part of the year is pretty uneventful save for the few holiday vacations here and there. It seems like the end of the year is just overwhelming with plans and occasions. For me at least.

Kicked off with Halloween in only a few days, Nicks costume is still merely an idea. I know exactly what he's going to be I just haven't gotten it yet...terrible mother I know. My costume on the other hand is good to go. As for the other half of my politically incorrect couples costume is still in progress as well. It's so funny but I fear too wrong to share with the world. I'm not cool enough for hate mail so lets just avoid that.
The week after is going to be Nick's birthday party which we decided on last minute. And if any mom's out that are reading, you all know how stressful kid's parties are to plan even with ample amounts of time in advance. I'll be sending out invites to his class tomorrow, which means I need to buy them today...which means I need to decide NOW where we're actually having the party. Lord, help me.
Somewhere within that mess will be my 23rd birthday. Not sure what the boyfriend is planning there. I should probably poke and prod in case he has forgotten...speaking of boyfriend I am still so amazed by him, in the most humble way. There aren't crazy unbelievable moments that hit me that makes me love him its just the everyday simple comforts that I cannot get enough of. Sometimes I think it may be a bad thing that I don't feel the passion I felt with Chris but then I realize I enjoy this so much more. In the middle of conversation about something so insignificant I am so happy. Already I feel like I have an amazing life with him and all of the practicality of actually making that happen with him is so exciting. After finding our dream apartment and discussing the finances of it I got way too excited when he said "joint checking account"!!! How lame and how romantic that sounded to me!

I found an article on Facebook nonetheless, but a great article.
Why I Hope My Ex Was A Once-In-A-Lifetime Kind of Love
This could not have been a more perfect thing for me to read at this point in my life and it sums everything up so perfectly. I don't want to feel that lethal passion for anyone ever again. It was an experience and I am glad I had it because it felt so good and so horrible all at the same time. Mark will never make me feel that way and I think that's what mature love is. He is my husband material and I am way too excited to start the rest of our lives together so much sooner than we even realize.

Thanksgiving will be spent with my family. My gringo boyfriend will get to experience the crazy barrio of El Paso. He will be the first boyfriend I have ever brought to one of the most important places in my life. We plan on basically eating the entire time and watching football. Also, showing him how Mexican I really am that of which cannot be seen on the outside.
Christmas will be spent in Santa Fe meeting his family. For an entire week. AN ENTIRE WEEK LONG VACATION I'm in heaven. We will also be eating the entire time while we are there as well.
Then in January my lease will be up. This month will consist of packing and preparing to move into our new apartment hopefully the first of February. Words cannot express how excited I am about this two bedroom paradise. This means Mark won't have to sleep on the couch any more and his things will have their very own permanent place next to mine. Also mentioned above the joint checking account *swoon*
We found this baby this past weekend in THE best school district with THE best location surrounded by all our favorite restaurants and a grocery store right across the street. It is equipped with the most glorious gym which we both need after the last few months of late night Taco Bell that we both enjoy way too much to admit. I have already virtually decorated it too...Mark thinks I'm ridiculous but has no objections to the designs. Whatcha think?

I still cannot believe how much better my life is today compared to a year ago. At least once a day I think of what I would be doing if things hadn't changed and I am so relieved. Nothing is forced everything is so easy and it has all been done mutually. We both understand where each other is heading and are making sure that we are doing those things along side one another. That is a phrase I would have never been able to say confidently with Chris. And I thank God everyday for putting me through what He did.

I hope everyone has as good of a week as I will!

Friday, September 19, 2014

Blogging Again

Life gets busy in a flash.
and I love it.

   My life has felt so full lately and that is so much more than I could say that it was a year ago. It's weird to think about actually. Although it wasn't quite a year ago that things sort of crashed...I still feel like things were clouded and I can't really see them much. Maybe that's just me suppressing everything still but I genuinely feel okay about it.
   What made me start writing again today was that I realized I can listen to my old favorite songs again and not feel that punch in the gut. I knew way back then that this would be my deciding factor on when I would be over everything. And ladies and gentlemen, that day has come. And in case you are wondering the song I am listening to at the moment is 40 Day Dream by Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros and as I listen to it I'm reminded of all the greatest things I've ever had right at this moment and all of the things that I thought was a life a year ago that actually wasnt. Today I'm going to list a few of those things.

1. Marky Mark. Less than one year ago I never imagined that this would happen. I was sure of it. I was okay with it. I had accepted it and even welcomed it. I knew I needed some alone time to work on me sort of focus on the things that were important and not feel the need to be in a relationship. The time that I spent being single was exactly what I needed. I didn't search for love under stones or get my hopes up or cry at night about being alone. I even started hanging out with old friends again. People that I loved. People that made me feel full of life that I just happened to lose touch with over time (and a controlling boyfriend).
   So after months of avoiding Facebook and the newly married couple that met under my sad circumstances...I noticed a message from these people. And just like that I was back in my group that was once surgically attached to years ago. YEARS AGO. Keep in mind I am young to begin with so when I say YEARS ago that means I was a baby...compared to my friends anyway. So this time around I am actually able to go out drinking with my guys.
   Coincidentally, on the first meet up with one of my long lost boys we actually ran into Scooby. This guy I remembered as the strange dude with the dumb nickname and huge dog that drank beer from cereal bowls while we all wore inappropriate Halloween costumes and played a lot of beer pong. Well, years later "Scooby" is wearing a sexy leather jacket carrying a motorcycle helmet, glasses and a clean haircut.
   Something miraculous happened as well...after one of the more flakey members bailed on us several times in a row, I started to spend a lot more alone time with Scooby (Mark). After a weird invite to someones birthday that I didn't know and whole lot of beer later, something happened and - Mark and I are a thang. 
   I'll only get mushy for a minute so bare with me. I feel like every girl says this about what ever guy it is theyre with at the moment but Mark really is something else. What started out as "I'm not looking for anything serious" to a week later "I want to be exclusive" to another week later being official boyfriend/girlfriend to another week later him telling me he loves me to now a little over a month in he can't sleep unless I'm right there next to him. I used to think that the next guy I had serious feelings for would scare the hell out of me. The thought of it made me shake and queeze but things have been so comfortable with him. It is so natural and so fun and so easy. I don't think things were ever just EASY with Chris...I care so much about Mark already. I know this sounds nuts but we're actually looking at renting a house once my apartment lease is up. We've been car shopping together since my dad is coming in town to buy me a new one. He's even looking up Caribbean vacations to take me on. IS THIS FOR REAL?? And not to mention...I came home to a steak and artichoke dinner last night after a late night of working. BAM.

moving on.
2. My friends. Old and Re-new. I mentioned this a little bit above and I think this is my favorite part. Yes Mark is wonderful but it was because I stepped out and started living life again that I found him and it was through these hooligans that I used to hang out with that made us possible. I may be the youngest one but they all treat me like I've been there the whole time and even now that Mark and I are dating I get included on everything as if we're one. I have best friends that branch out way further than my soul mate friends from high school. I am in love with these people and they've definitely made my life, my schedule, my happiness, my laughter quota more full. I missed these people. I was so happy to see them. It has been a few months of rekindling now and they are once again my surgically attached group of friends once more.
   As for my old friends. Barbara will continue to be my savior. I've felt us kind of slipping lately since she graduated and got engaged but we always find our way back. We just got back from a weekend in Lubbock for a football game. I can't explain the feeling I get when I'm sitting in our group of people and it just hits me how much fun I'm having or how loved I feel. With either group I always feel this. And a totally different group of people it is. I spent an entire weekend with clean cut college grads having a good time being silly and laughing at farts to planning Mark's birthday party with a raunchy swinger couple, crazy rednecks, a possible slip n slide and horribly inappropriate racist jokes. Each occasion I feel so comfortable being in and so thankful for the opportunity to be apart of once again because none of which would have ever been possible a year ago.

3.Nicholas Pete. I am always thankful for my baby. The most beautiful thing I have ever seen on this planet. I don't always show it and I know should a whole lot more but throughout this whole process I think I've become a better mother. Staying home all day depressed kind of forces you to spend time with your child. He's become so smart and hilarious lately, I feel like I never actually saw him while Chris and I were dating and that kills me. I notice every little thing about this kid and it makes me so damn proud. He has one season of T-Ball under his belt now and just started soccer. Words cant describe how proud of that kid I am. I feel like none of it was my doing but I know somewhere along the line it is. He loves Mark by the way. I don't think he ever loved Chris like he adores Mark. He will actually force me to leave Bee's house because he knows Mark is at home and he wants to play Legos with him. Mark is wonderful with him as well. He knows his place with Nick where Chris didn't. I couldn't ask for two better boys in my life.

4. My job(s). Yes. Plural. I started working at Pier 1 part time...lets just say sleep is on the back burner these days. Between waking up for soccer games, being at work at 8 am, getting home at 11, wanting to stay up later to be with my boyfran, going to the pub on the weekends and repeating - sleep sorta fits in there when I cant keep my eyes open anymore with force. I am so thankful for these opportunities though. My mother told me that working two jobs as a single mother will do worlds of character shaping and it's definitely true. I use my Fitbit daily and it shows how active I am just by working. Also with the extra funds I am able to live on my own, send Nick to school on my own, and still have money to buy my boyfriend awesome birthday presents and not feel like a hobo. My full time job is awesome as well. I've made really good friends with the girls in my office and should be getting a slight raise any day now. All good things. All good things.

There are so many things in my life that are just going wonderfully right now. I don't know the best way to describe it except for "full". I catch myself smiling on my way to work or just walking out the door. Things are so good and as weird as this may sound I am so thankful for Chris. That he showed me through trial and error who I want to be and I am so confident now that I know exactly what that is. So thank you.

Sorry for the long post. Needed to catch up a bit.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Rosebee + Designs

Today is the day!!
Actually, last week was the day but TODAY IS THE DAY that I'm out there and marketing. I opened my Etsy shop 3 days ago and now have items for sale. I can't express how excited I am about the potential for this. I've been going back and forth about what my true goal is and I think I've come up with a good answer.

I want to be more than just an Etsy site. But before that, I want to do something that I am proud of. I want to do something I love and still support myself and my son and not hate what I did for the past 8 hours. I want to make a difference to people's lives, I want to bring joy and conversation and love to people I have never met before. I want to donate, I want to start something that matters.

Of course, one has to start small with dreams so big and that's where I am today. I'm starting with a little Etsy shop, selling handmade custom gifts. Any way you want them, just let me know! I'm working on creating some new products that will hopefully be posted early next week. I still have so much work to do but it's at least a relief knowing that I am up and running somewhere.
Please follow the Etsy link above and take a look at what I already have available. Everything is 100% custom. Any color, style, pattern, dimensions you want-I can do it.

If you've been following my blog I'd like to thank you all for caring in your own way, so much so that if you order anything from Rosebee I would like to give you free shipping. Say what? FREE SHIPPING just for paying attention to my dumb ramblings. Just use coupon code STUMBLE when you check out.

PLEEEEASE if you have any questions, stories, encouragement, or requests - comment, email, Instagram, tweet or Facebook me anytime! xoxothanks.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

I'm back + Motivational Advice & a Big Change

I apologize for me brief absence!! Sadly, I made the conscious decision not to write anymore. I'm not really sure why, although it seemed like a good idea at the time I'm slowly realizing it was dumb.

Don't ever stop doing something you believe in just because of someone else. If you do, then it's proof that they never valued your success to begin with. Starting this blog has helped me a lot, not that I have avid readers or anything yet, but it's a place where I can say what I need to say without fear or judgement of anyone. You would think the closest person to you would understand that. This is a place for me to share my joy and excitement about things that I don't get the chance to share with the people I want to often enough. And when that becomes a problem for someone else I shouldn't be expected to change that. This is for me. I won't change the way I do things for someone just because they don't like it, and you shouldn't either. You keep being you, and if anyone doesn't like that then they shouldn't be in your life as much anymore.

So in true spirit of revivals I've come back guns a'blazin, with a master plan for my life.-or at least my life until I graduate. 
I have struggled the passed few weeks finding the silver lining, the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, "there's got to be something more' notions. You have all been or are still there I am sure. It truly is a ad feeling to shake, and in the past I've sort of succumbed to it. I'm sure you all probably know what I mean, those dilapidated statements you say reluctantly. "This is just the way its going to be" "I'd better just get used to it" "This is how everyone else does it, so I guess I should too".
I'm not sure if it's a strive to do better or just my laziness, but I am soooooo tired of the 8:00 - 5:00 routine day in and day out and still barely making ends meet, putting my real dreams on the back burner to afford some independence and stability.
It would be nice to have unlimited amounts of time and given resources to find out who I am but since that's not the luxury that most girls in my situation have, then it's time  to get creative.

I'm creative!?

My inspiration game from The Dark Knight...
Creepy, I know. but truth. I've heard so many times "Amanda that's beautiful, you should sell this." or "Amanda, you could make so much money doing that." Those taunting statements always ended up filling in when I would get told this. "Yeah, it'd be nice but no one would buy it." or "Someone else could do this way better, why would they pick me?"
There are so many successful people in the world that don't even have to leave the house. I am so envious of this. After reading so many stories I realized a common thread. Courage. None of these people just woke up one day and had everything. They all took a huge leap and made their own success. If you can only learn one thing in life, one general thing to help improve your life in someway, it would be to have courage and believe in yourself that you can make anything you want happen if you want it badly enough.

It was only after I drained my bank account several weeks in a row that I had sensation of hating being broke ALL.THE. TIME. I have a full time job. Why would I be broke? It occurred to be that I wanted to get out of this rat race. 

and now...without further ado
I'll be opening my own Etsy shop.
I have had an Etsy account open for a while now but never used it for anything other than buying a cross stitch pattern last year.
I have done so much research and read so many success stories that I finally have to drive for taking a piece of that pie. If you are thinking about starting to sell some of your crafts, or products or services and want to branch out on your own, I strongly advise it. I will link up a few of the sites that have inspired me thus far and I hope it can inspire you too.

So, probably sometime next week, I will have my shop live for all to see and I will make a grand ordeal of it. I could not be more excited about this and can't wait to start sharing what I have and hopefully growing in many different ways from this. I've never felt so passionate about something other than when I took A&P at TCC...but that's a totally different matter.

Talk to you all soon about life and my new journey.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Cherish Old Friends

 photo 629A5D81-AB18-46C8-976A-EE8B56EDE03C_zpshceos4my.jpg
This was my Friday attire.
I don't know why it took me so long
to own a piece of leopard print clothing.
And I love it.

Things have begun to rise here in Texas.
The weather, obviously.
Spirits. Optimism. Friendships.

I was so lucky to get to meet with an old friend again
Once you go through a traumatic situation
you start to feel alone after
alienating everyone you used to know.
On an off chance I happened to see a message from months ago
At a time when I thought everyone had forgotten about me
They reached out.
There is no better feeling than catching up with someone
who used to be such a huge part of your life once
I was even invited to a bachelor party.
That's how much I was missed.
And how much I missed them.
I nearly cried when I got to see all of my old work friends.

It was such a bittersweet thing.
While I was overjoyed at getting to hangout with these people again
I couldn't help but wonder
what I had missed these past two years.
And the stories I could have had
instead of the stories I do have.

But I realized that night,
that true friends are willing to invite you to their wedding
after two years of your disappearance.
They take you GoKart riding
laugh at you for wearing a skirt to said GoKart track.
Shut down a bar with you.
Buy you Waffle House at 3 a.m.
and drive you home like gentlemen should.

I cannot wait for this wedding.
So many more people that I haven't seen in years.
It's a good feeling looking forward to things again.

Like Nick's first T-Ball game.
Mother's Day.
My first week solo at my new job.
Lovin life and all the warmth.
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