Friday, September 19, 2014

Blogging Again

Life gets busy in a flash.
and I love it.

   My life has felt so full lately and that is so much more than I could say that it was a year ago. It's weird to think about actually. Although it wasn't quite a year ago that things sort of crashed...I still feel like things were clouded and I can't really see them much. Maybe that's just me suppressing everything still but I genuinely feel okay about it.
   What made me start writing again today was that I realized I can listen to my old favorite songs again and not feel that punch in the gut. I knew way back then that this would be my deciding factor on when I would be over everything. And ladies and gentlemen, that day has come. And in case you are wondering the song I am listening to at the moment is 40 Day Dream by Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros and as I listen to it I'm reminded of all the greatest things I've ever had right at this moment and all of the things that I thought was a life a year ago that actually wasnt. Today I'm going to list a few of those things.

1. Marky Mark. Less than one year ago I never imagined that this would happen. I was sure of it. I was okay with it. I had accepted it and even welcomed it. I knew I needed some alone time to work on me sort of focus on the things that were important and not feel the need to be in a relationship. The time that I spent being single was exactly what I needed. I didn't search for love under stones or get my hopes up or cry at night about being alone. I even started hanging out with old friends again. People that I loved. People that made me feel full of life that I just happened to lose touch with over time (and a controlling boyfriend).
   So after months of avoiding Facebook and the newly married couple that met under my sad circumstances...I noticed a message from these people. And just like that I was back in my group that was once surgically attached to years ago. YEARS AGO. Keep in mind I am young to begin with so when I say YEARS ago that means I was a baby...compared to my friends anyway. So this time around I am actually able to go out drinking with my guys.
   Coincidentally, on the first meet up with one of my long lost boys we actually ran into Scooby. This guy I remembered as the strange dude with the dumb nickname and huge dog that drank beer from cereal bowls while we all wore inappropriate Halloween costumes and played a lot of beer pong. Well, years later "Scooby" is wearing a sexy leather jacket carrying a motorcycle helmet, glasses and a clean haircut.
   Something miraculous happened as well...after one of the more flakey members bailed on us several times in a row, I started to spend a lot more alone time with Scooby (Mark). After a weird invite to someones birthday that I didn't know and whole lot of beer later, something happened and - Mark and I are a thang. 
   I'll only get mushy for a minute so bare with me. I feel like every girl says this about what ever guy it is theyre with at the moment but Mark really is something else. What started out as "I'm not looking for anything serious" to a week later "I want to be exclusive" to another week later being official boyfriend/girlfriend to another week later him telling me he loves me to now a little over a month in he can't sleep unless I'm right there next to him. I used to think that the next guy I had serious feelings for would scare the hell out of me. The thought of it made me shake and queeze but things have been so comfortable with him. It is so natural and so fun and so easy. I don't think things were ever just EASY with Chris...I care so much about Mark already. I know this sounds nuts but we're actually looking at renting a house once my apartment lease is up. We've been car shopping together since my dad is coming in town to buy me a new one. He's even looking up Caribbean vacations to take me on. IS THIS FOR REAL?? And not to mention...I came home to a steak and artichoke dinner last night after a late night of working. BAM.

moving on.
2. My friends. Old and Re-new. I mentioned this a little bit above and I think this is my favorite part. Yes Mark is wonderful but it was because I stepped out and started living life again that I found him and it was through these hooligans that I used to hang out with that made us possible. I may be the youngest one but they all treat me like I've been there the whole time and even now that Mark and I are dating I get included on everything as if we're one. I have best friends that branch out way further than my soul mate friends from high school. I am in love with these people and they've definitely made my life, my schedule, my happiness, my laughter quota more full. I missed these people. I was so happy to see them. It has been a few months of rekindling now and they are once again my surgically attached group of friends once more.
   As for my old friends. Barbara will continue to be my savior. I've felt us kind of slipping lately since she graduated and got engaged but we always find our way back. We just got back from a weekend in Lubbock for a football game. I can't explain the feeling I get when I'm sitting in our group of people and it just hits me how much fun I'm having or how loved I feel. With either group I always feel this. And a totally different group of people it is. I spent an entire weekend with clean cut college grads having a good time being silly and laughing at farts to planning Mark's birthday party with a raunchy swinger couple, crazy rednecks, a possible slip n slide and horribly inappropriate racist jokes. Each occasion I feel so comfortable being in and so thankful for the opportunity to be apart of once again because none of which would have ever been possible a year ago.

3.Nicholas Pete. I am always thankful for my baby. The most beautiful thing I have ever seen on this planet. I don't always show it and I know should a whole lot more but throughout this whole process I think I've become a better mother. Staying home all day depressed kind of forces you to spend time with your child. He's become so smart and hilarious lately, I feel like I never actually saw him while Chris and I were dating and that kills me. I notice every little thing about this kid and it makes me so damn proud. He has one season of T-Ball under his belt now and just started soccer. Words cant describe how proud of that kid I am. I feel like none of it was my doing but I know somewhere along the line it is. He loves Mark by the way. I don't think he ever loved Chris like he adores Mark. He will actually force me to leave Bee's house because he knows Mark is at home and he wants to play Legos with him. Mark is wonderful with him as well. He knows his place with Nick where Chris didn't. I couldn't ask for two better boys in my life.

4. My job(s). Yes. Plural. I started working at Pier 1 part time...lets just say sleep is on the back burner these days. Between waking up for soccer games, being at work at 8 am, getting home at 11, wanting to stay up later to be with my boyfran, going to the pub on the weekends and repeating - sleep sorta fits in there when I cant keep my eyes open anymore with force. I am so thankful for these opportunities though. My mother told me that working two jobs as a single mother will do worlds of character shaping and it's definitely true. I use my Fitbit daily and it shows how active I am just by working. Also with the extra funds I am able to live on my own, send Nick to school on my own, and still have money to buy my boyfriend awesome birthday presents and not feel like a hobo. My full time job is awesome as well. I've made really good friends with the girls in my office and should be getting a slight raise any day now. All good things. All good things.

There are so many things in my life that are just going wonderfully right now. I don't know the best way to describe it except for "full". I catch myself smiling on my way to work or just walking out the door. Things are so good and as weird as this may sound I am so thankful for Chris. That he showed me through trial and error who I want to be and I am so confident now that I know exactly what that is. So thank you.

Sorry for the long post. Needed to catch up a bit.
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